My Plan to Keep America Happy

Hello my fellow Coffee Drinkers:

I'd like to expound my Five-Point Plan to Keep America Happy.

1: Increase Dependence on Foreign Coffees.
Folks, this is my foreign policy. If elected, I will open a dialogue with coffee-producing countries with the expressed goal of creating the what I term "The Golden River."
We all know quality coffees come from such places as Brazil, Indonesia, India, Kenya...and just about every corner of the earth. Americans deserve the best coffees available, and my goal is to bring it to them.

2: Reduce Dependence on Cream and Sugar.
Cream and Sugar: the real axis of evil. Enough Said.

3: Eliminate the Green Initiative.
Ladies and gentlemen, "Big Green" has overtaken us, invading our communities and spreading its ills for too long! The landscape of our country and what we hold dear has been compromised over the last 20 years. Wildfire is committed to changing that with Point 4:

4: Introduce the Wildfire "Go Brown" Initiative.
It's this simple folks: Quality Coffee. There is no reason any American should have to drink dreck. In the Wildfire administration, our public will enjoy the great taste of quality, dark coffee without the shackles of cream and sugar.

5: Immigration Reform."Let the Coffees In!"
Wildfire believes in making it as simple as possible for foreign coffees to come to our great country and find opportunity. The opportunity to satisfy your needs.

With your vote, we can make this Five Point Plan a reality!

Thank You.